Visiting a border town for the first time? Feeling like trying some tacos? There are thousands of these beautiful places out there, each one having something unique about them, but all with the comforting promise of amazing late-night food.
The following list is a guide to all things taco-shop. I’ve asked fellow taco-fiend and San Diego local Mariano Diaz to contribute and we’ve come up with the following items that although are not hard and fast rules, are definitely consistent with good taco shops.
The quesadilla is a good indicator as to the consistency of the food.
The quesadilla is a very simple preparation but it illustrates perfectly how your chosen taco establishment approaches its food. If the quesadilla has a ridiculous cheese-to-tortilla ratio, more often than not you’re in for some over-stuffed burritos and some grease. That may sound good to some people but those people are misinformed and prefer to conquer their food as opposed to enjoying it.
Rice and beans...the make or break.
Rice and beans are also good indicator as to the quality of the food. Are your rice and beans good? Are they worth adding to every bite of what you’re eating? These are hard to mess up. If the rice is funky/dry or the beans are not smooth (or acceptably chunky) keep looking.
The flour tortilla.
The flour tortilla should be dry to the touch. It should not be rubbery and oily like a “Mission” tortilla from the grocery store. After touching the tortilla it is better to have to dust your hands off than to wipe them off. A good tortilla will taste home made--it should be flaky and not plastic-y-- It should also hold up to whatever is put inside of it.
Bonus: if you can smell them cooking the tortillas.
Burrito Physics
(Deep Breath)...Ok...
Sorry, Chipotle...you have no idea how to make burritos. Whoever decided to make them grapefruit shaped was either not Mexican or was trying to be all culinary and avant garde to disastrous results. There’s a reason why every other actually Mexican establishment makes their burritos with a more elongated shape and not like a cannon ball and it comes down to physics. When a burrito comes a little less stuffed and in a little more cylindrical shape, they don’t fall apart and leak everywhere after the first couple bites.
When your burrito is all stubby and gumpy-looking, all it takes is about 3 bites to expose a giant mass of whatever-rice and mediocre beans, ready to drip out on to your tray...like you cut open the stomach of some food-beast. My theory behind Chipotle’s tragic burrito shape is to make it look bigger and chunkier for their American demographic...but any American with stereoscopic vision and a little depth perception can see that it’s just folded wrong and a little over-stuffed. A well-folded, properly filled burrito will last to your last bite without calling for a knife and fork.
You should not have to make weird motions with your face/head and crane your neck to eat a burrito.
If you do hate yourself and enjoy burritos the size of your forearm, it should be a choice and not the only choice. You shouldn’t have to rest the second half of the burrito on the table as you’re holding the front half---like it’s some sort of giant amazon slug that you’re fighting with your face...save those burritos for 7-11 and “Man vs. Food”.
Cheese.
The cheese should not look like it came from a bag of pre-grated cheese. if you get carne asada chips and it looks like the cheese came from Applebee’s, they got lazy.
Also the “cheese sauce” thing is suspect. Leave this to Taco Bell and their ilk...if there is cheese in what you order it should be an unassuming addition and not “smothered in creamy Santa Fe cheese sauce”. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. “Cheese sauce” means dehydrated cheese and a bunch of fake tex-mex spices in a nacho cheese cauldron ladled on with a giant homeless shelter spoon. NOT REAL MEXICAN FOOD. “Cheese sauce” should be regarded with suspicion, disdain and always be put in spiteful quotation marks.
Without jamaica, you can't get a 10 out of 10
Jamaica (pronounced ha-may-cuh) is a juice derived from hibiscus flowers. It’s bright red and it should be right next to the Horchata (cinnamon milk drink) and Piña (pineapple juice) in dispensers that circulate the mixtures as they sit. They’re all sugary and amazing. If the taco shop doesn’t have these, it doesn’t necessarily lose all credibility, but almost. These drinks go hand in hand with taco-shop food and if you want your taco experience to be truly complete, it should be with a big styrofoam cup of one of these drinks.
Bonus: if the drinks are in glass jugs.
Breakfast Menu.
The breakfast menu should have the basics: breakfast burrito, chorizo (spicy sausage) and machaca (pounded/crushed meat), all with egg. If they have good chilaquiles (tortilla chips, eggs, green/red sauce, cheese, sometimes chicken) then they get an automatic win.
With chorizo, it is perfectly acceptable to find glowing deep-orange juice leaking from your burrito. It may be alarming at first but just embrace it.
With machaca, it shouldn’t be watery or overly liquidy.
Both machaca and chorizo burritos will come extremely hot...like 500 degrees celcius. Bite the top off and give it a second to cool.
Tortas.
Tortas (sandwiches) are some of the tastiest items on the menu. The problem with tortas is that the bollios (rolls) they come on usually get soggy very quickly. These are acceptable to eat with a knife and fork but if you are able to pick them up and eat them without them falling apart, you’ve found yourself a good taco shop.
By the way if the torta isn’t on a bollio, I can’t speak for the integrity of that taco shop.
If the burrito isn't wrapped in yellow paper, it’s suspect.
Yellow paper. Any good taco shop I’ve been to has used yellow paper to wrap their burritos. I don’t know why it’s yellow, I just know that every taco shop worth it’s salt uses yellow paper for everything. If the burrito is in some weird hotdog foil, tread lightly-- it may be good but there’s something weird and off-putting about a burrito not wrapped in this ubiquitous packaging.
Bonus: Burrito-sized bags.
Don't look at the menu, it'll hypnotize you.
Good taco shops usually have pretty extensive menus. Standing at the counter is not the time to read the menu-- it will hypnotize you and reduce you to a nervous wreck while holding up the line. Trying to figure out what combination of amazing food you want when each combination is good and there are million of them will paralyze your mind and you’ll just end up getting what you always get anyway.
The time to read the menu is after you’ve ordered and are sitting down. Plan ahead--study it carefully as you eat so that next time you can try what you find appetizing. It never hurts to start with the basics: bean and cheese burrito, California burrito, carne asada chips/fries, etc. It takes time to fully experience a taco shop. If you want to try something new, you’ll be back and it might become your new default taco shop.
We hope these tips will help you in your taco shop search. One thing we can say is once you think you found favorite taco shop, another one pops up in your field of vision, beckoning you with it’s yellow and orange hues, glowing in the night on some corner or in some strip mall.
Happy searching.
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